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A BOMB IN THE LIFT
LOCATION: 174 Spadina AvenueShe had, at one point earlier in her life, seen someone drop a Mentos breath mint into a plastic bottle of Dr Pepper, shake it up, and then toss it -cap side down- at the...
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SOUTH AMERICAN GNOME
LOCATION: 174 Spadina Avenue, cont.The joint had been Quiche's idea. YoYo had, at first, refused; he felt it was his professional duty to do so. After all, he was already late for work, should he...
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VALENTINES IN THE SLUSH
Ask anyone who knows me well and they will confirm the fact that I adore holidays based around public executions. After all, what's not to love? Today's particular execution holiday is based around an...
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THE DUNDAS WEST BACKUP PLAN
The number of public activites in this world which I happen to consider distasteful, yet endure stoically, is legion. Milky white men sporting ratty spindly dreads, and bar bands which play slightly...
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EL TORO? REALLY?!
Toronto's weekly sleeping pill in tabloid format, Eye Weekly, has dubbed the city with a rather dubious new moniker: El Toro. Yes, you read that correctly, our new name is apparently El Toro. Spanish...
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DEAR GREEN ROOM,
I didn't want to write this any more than you want to read it. There are numerous activities which vary wildly in levels of potential difficulty, from playing checkers with a kid on one end of the...
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THE COLOUR OF PARANOIA
It was with some despondency that I read the news yesterday about our city, our beloved Hogtown, having been possibly doused with Agent Orange between the 1950's and 1980's. Not out of a sense of civic...
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GO WITH THE FLOW
Rush hour is a stressful time for everyone in the city... except for Streetcar operators, who do nothing, yet are paid for it. For everyone else though, it is a time of high pressure travel where...
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BATA'S BEIBER FEVER
The Bata Shoe Museum on Bloor Street, which has long been a Toronto bastion of crucial modern history, will soon be the new home to a pair of Justin Bieber's shoes. The Stratford Ontario native's...
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A DINER FOR THE REST OF US
For those who desire all the glamour of the 24hour diner utterly divorced from the associated inexpensiveness, despair no longer. The Counter on lower Bathurst is the place for you.When one conjures up...
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TORONTO PLAYS TORONTO
In a strictly statistical sense, Toronto never plays Toronto. For every Scott Pilgrim vs. the World there is Short Circuit 2 and Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment and Saw II... for every Chloe...
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HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE
Patience is currently wearing quite thin at customs in Terminal 1 of Pearson International Airport where thousands of people have been left standing shoulder to shoulder without explanation for hours....
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ST. PATRICK'S DAY 2011
Some call it St. Patrick's Day, some St. Paddy's, others Green Beer Day, and still others refer to it as Amateur Drinking Day.I don't hold an opinion on the moniker one way or the other... I know these...
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THE HOGTOWN TOUR OF ART
"I'll give up my spraycan when you pry it from my cold dead hands!" -BanksyAgain, I remind you all that if you could just hold your questions and comments until after the tour is complete, I will be...
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BURNED AT BQM
Amateur drinkers always seem to think they need physical sustenance in their stomachs to soak up alcohol and avoid overt intoxication, apparently forgetting that the entire point of booze is, in fact,...
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WHY STOP AT EATING?
The recent New York City subway altercation between a person eating spaghetti on the train and another person who didn't take kindly to the meal has sparked debate here in Toronto as to whether eating...
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FORD IS MORE THAN A BIG FAT 'FILL IN THE BLANK'
A generous proportion of downtown Toronto's population despise their mayor, Rob Ford, and certainly not without good reason: he's a trust fund kid who's never held down a real job yet accuses others of...
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2011 HOGTOWN BLUES IRONIC AWARD
Though the competition was exceedingly tight this year, we at the offices of Hogtown Blues have finally managed to pick a winner for this year's Ironic Award™, and believe me, this year... it's a...
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THE IMPERIAL ACCENT LECTURE
When one is half cut at 3pm in the Imperial Pub, meeting new people is something of an inevitability. This was the state I found myself in recently, sitting at a table with an American man I had never...
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THE BELLS OF MY YOUTH
I don't know if it was the hint of spring in the air, or because the week is leaning toward Friday, or whether it was in berserk reaction to the deranged man who was comparing the rocketing price of...
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EVENING THE PLAYING FIELD
Fans of football and jiggling rejoice! Toronto will finally be getting their own American-style football team, with something of a twist: rather than be weighed down with cumbersome and protective...
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THE OLYMPIC GAMES NIX
Ok, full admission upfront: I despise the Olympics. And not in that semi-playful "I despise Seán Cullen" sort of way; no, I really and truly detest the Olympics. From the maudlin torch relay leading up...
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